“I want you to give me what I want, not what I need.” she says.
“Ok, what do you need?” He asks.
“I don’t know. That’s why I need you. Can you give me what I want?”
This is loosly quoted from a movie in which the main character is offered a
promotion and the requirement of his new position. He, of course, answer yes, he can.
In a lot of ways this is what it is like to be a coach and it is one of the top areas of focus when I’m coaching coaches: learn to give your client what they want, not necessarily what they think they want!
Clients will commonly come to a coach and speak of their experience revealing that something in their experience is off, whether they know it or not. They’ll speak of what they want or what they think they are happy to be experiencing, but there will be an edge to what they say.
A limiting belief can cause this. For example, in one case a client was certain that she wanted a business. When she spoke of what made her happy, she spoke of having time with her family, having time to herself and the time to explore her passion. Unaware that the new business didn’t necessarily include the things she valued in her life and enjoyed, she took steps towards purchasing the business. She truly had problems realizing how she felt and what she wanted to fulfill her life. She believed that she needed to be an equal bread winner in order to have value, so her beliefs spilled upon and tainted what was giving her joy and fulfillment in her life. She was truly asking for what she thought she wanted in life, not what was needed to make her a complete, whole person.
In coaching coaches I find that it is important to train coaches to see through the ball of wax that client can often bring to sessions. Coaches need to understand when clients are confused themselves and when they have created a ball of wax which is obscuring their experience.
When coaching coaches I like to focus on bringing out the ability to see clearly for the client so that they can see one step ahead of the client, seeing what is truly wanted. We all have a strong guidance system in our desires; however, when the water of our desires are muddied, we can easily misunderstand ourselves and what we truly want.
A great coach, such as a Maven Method™ coach, always looks one step ahead, making certain that their client is on track for what they truly want, especially when they themselves don’t know.
Kalyn B Raphael is the Co-Founder of the Golden Flow™ System, is a Coach of Coaches, a Channel, Author, and a Spiritual Life Coach specializing in spirituality and parenting. She dedicates herself to helping others live in the flow of well-being by living their authenticity. Learn about Kalyn’s coaching at http://coachmaven.com or subscribe to her women’s newsletter at http://golden-flow-system.com/joynews (http://golden-flow-system NULL.com/joynews)