Valuing Your Self

As humans we have basic needs and one of these is to feel a sense of approval.  This is one need that must be met early in our lives.  Somehow though through misunderstandings, misperceptions etc. most of us feel disapproval and this sense that we’re not quite “cutting it” runs through our life.  The upshot of this is we will find ourselves seeking approval wherever we can get it.

Most of the time this is unconscious and even when we are aware of this tendency to grasp at approval patterns and behaviors can sneak under our radar and we can believe ourselves to be acting in our authentic empowerment when we are actually manipulating ourselves and being manipulated.

Money and Relationships

A really big arena in which we often find ourselves seeking approval is in relationship.  And if we add a couple’s finances into the mix we’ve got a wonderful, confusing (ego loves confusion) ball of wax to get mired in.  I count myself among those who have fallen into the trap of seeking approval from my mate within the arena of our finances.

Two Couples

I have recently encountered two couples where the wives needed some money in order to have something that was important to them.  It was an authentic desire for each of them however for their husbands it was unimportant.  Both women are highly educated and capable of earning significant incomes and in at least one case had been before each chose to stay home with their young children.

One problem we have in this patriarchal society is that earning power is a measure of worth.  Whether or not we think that we believe this there is a general underlying belief that if we’re not bringing in as much as our mate we are in some way a lesser individual.  We can say all the right words and put on an act that we believe we’re equal in the relationship but when we look deeper most of the time we’ll find we’re not being honest with ourselves.

So, what did these two women do?

After “talking with their husbands” they each decided to put aside their desire for the time being.  They say they came to this decision together with their husbands.  Both women believe now that they are standing in their power by sticking by this decision.  In truth they feel small in their earning power and in seeking approval from their husbands they gave up on their dreams and gave away their personal power.

Observing Ourselves

Ask your self:

How many times have you played out this type of scenario?

Have you sought approval from a parent or a boss in a similar way?

Have you ever been the one from whom approval is sought and managed to have things your way?

I know I’ve played both sides of the coin and ultimately neither role is empowering or authentic.  Be honest with yourself and be willing to look at your shadows.  When we bring these darker aspects of self out in the open they lose their power over us.

Self-Wisdom & Mirrors

I just saw the movie “Mirror, Mirror” with Julia Roberts. I’d hoped to like this snow white re-told better than I did, but at least the movie offered a new spin on the mirror’s image.

In this classic tale of magic, the evil step-mother queen has a magical mirror that speaks to her. She uses this advantage to try to keep the power of the thrown to herself and to take advantage of the people.

A great twist in this version is that the mirror’s reflection is an image of the queen herself.

Now this I loved. That is because it holds the idea that a part of the queen always knew the price she’d pay for using magic.

In our lives, there is always a part of us that knows the price we’ll pay for indulging our egos, lying to ourselves and for trying to push the river. It is something that we all try to do. It is something that we all know won’t really work, but sometimes we pull out all the stops to try anyway. We look to life and other people to help us justify and validate our attempts, convincing ourselves that the mirror’s promise that there is a price to pay won’t apply to us.

And then I see people pay the price. I see some who can’t pass up opportunities for love or power; I see others who can’t pass up the usual withdraw or shyness because they want to stay safe and cozy.

The funny thing is that it doesn’t matter whether you are a greedy and power hungry monster or a quiet and timid mouse: In both cases you are still ignoring the mirror.

In the movie “Mirror, Mirror” the wiser and all-knowing version of the queen in the mirror tells her that she ought to marry the baron who has proposed marriage. A solution to her financial problems is disregarded quickly, despite the fact that it would provide the solution and the fulfilment to the queen’s true needs.

And there you have it. Monster or mouse, when we disregard what we need to do for ourselves and instead chase what we convince ourselves will make us happy or comfortable, we fail. We always fail, as we can never escape the magic and wisdom of our own mirror-self.

Kalyn B Raphael is the Co-Founder of the Golden Flow™ System, is a Coach of Coaches, a Channel, Author, and a Spiritual Life Coach specializing in spirituality and parenting. She dedicates herself to helping others live in the flow of well-being by living their authenticity.Learn about Kalyn’s coaching at http://coachmaven.com or subscribe to her newsletter (Right-Hand column) to receive a class on How To Manifest, Coaching for Coaches, A Free book to help you find your purpose and much more!

21 Days To Get Into The Energetic Flow For The Year of Authenticity – Day 19

Judge This

Life is often filled with less problems that it seems. Often times we add to our own challenges through our assumptions and judgments. How often have you been talking with someone and stopped listening half way through? Have you jumped to conclusions with another lately? Have you ever noticed how frequently we tend to jump to negative conclusions instead of positive ones?

Our authenticity certainly doesn’t live in the world of our judgements and conclusions. For today choose to tap deeper into your authenticity just by leaving some wiggle room in your life. Come from a clean slate so that you aren’t drudging up past events and conclusions; look at your day, your problem or another person as if you were new to each experience. Forget past hurts or problems or difficulties when entering your day. Or, even better yet, make positive assumptions and conclusions like assuming that things will work out and that others are wanting to work with you. And then find yourself in a more authentic state of being.

 

21 Days To Get Into The Energetic Flow For The Year of Authenticity – Day 18

Esoteric Living

Today’s focus on authenticity is for the brave and courageous. No doubt you have heard the saying that 80% of the world is asleep and that the other 20%… Well, they see the world differently, experience different things and have a different experience of life. It is even said that they may see colors differently. This is because those 20% live on the edge and live authentically.

How do you join the 20% and play to the beat of a different drummer? You begin by forgetting everything you have been taught. You let go of all of the things that you think you should hold on to and you examine and question everything you believe in and live by. You let everything go so that you are left with everything you are.

When you clear your slate this way it leaves you room to see things anew and begins to tap you into the vision that the 20% have. You realize that someone cutting you off and taking your parking space is only insulting when you believe it is. When you have vision, your clear slate frees you up to see this experience from different angles and different eyes. You see that your energy isn’t worth the emotional charge of being angry at someone you don’t know; you see that being insulted can only happen when you allow it, since you get to be empowered enough to choose your response. A clean slate creates a clear perception. A clear perception is like opening several phone lines and listening to more than your own experience. Suddenly you realize that the person who cut you off is telling you a lot about themselves. Life is suggesting a different parking space, perhaps providing you a synchronistic experience elsewhere. No, the 20% don’t bother with such insignificant things. Instead they save their energy for what is truly important.

Yes, the 20% choose their lives. They define who they are and they and choose their experiences. They are not victims to whom life happens, but rather co-creators.

Free yourself of what you think you are supposed to be and do. Free yourself of your own feelings of entitlement, of being wronged, of judgement or any other negativity. These are the real prisons of life that hold us back and keep us in the rat race. Engaging in such behaviors are what make us like anyone else and guarantee our place in the 80%.

When you are living a life of freedom and authenticity you begin to make plans in your life, plans that you know life will support. You begin to find intention and purpose in your life and these are so pronounced that you even find them in the small corners of life. When your focus is greater this way, you are being brave and courageous enough to be who you truly are and that authenticity begins to change your world so that you too are seeing a different set of colors.

21 Days To Get Into The Energetic Flow For The Year of Authenticity – Day 17

I’ve noticed things changing for a few people in my meditation group. Opportunities that had previously been desired, but impossible to hold like wind, now seem to be showing up at the doors of their lives with flowers.

When we shift an energy in ourselves we can, and often will, experience a change so dramatic that the seas seem to part before us instead of presenting a wall of opposition. Being authentic creates just the kind of magnetism in us that will open doors that previously weren’t there. This is because when we are authentic we are also more connected to our Source Energy, and our Source Energy is unlimited and does not have to play by the rules of life. Thus, our Source Energy can bring anything into our lives, even when when it means breaking the laws of physicality.

21 Days To Get Into The Energetic Flow For The Year of Authenticity – Day 16

Decide to see things anew: whether it is an old car you still have to drive or an old issue with someone. When we see things from a new perspective we leave our old grudges and our old feelings behind, right? Well, these are “old”, not authentic.

Choose to see things again from the eyes of your authenticity. It will shift your energy, your experience and your perspective

1. Notice that your needs, dreams and what’s important to you are all avenues to your authenticity.

2. The trick is to connect with these and make that choice to live honoring these.

Next, choose to live with the plan or purpose you have chosen. (You chose a plan or purpose when you connected with yourself, found what you need or what your dreams are and then chose to live accordingly).